You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You ruined the universe
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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