He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
