Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize