I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
