Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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