I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
