every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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