Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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