Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm bleeding and have questions
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
