Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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