I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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