Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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