mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
