I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
