I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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