once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
