yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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