I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
