I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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