Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
