There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
