just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
