i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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