Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
