The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
