SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
