After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
