and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
