everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize