Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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