We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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