if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
