my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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