It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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