Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize