I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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