the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
