I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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