My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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