jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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