can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize