yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my poor anus
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
