I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
