wrigley field is MILF paradise
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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