this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
