I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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