And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
