things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
