this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
