i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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