I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
