Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
