I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
