I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize