She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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