dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
