New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
