i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
