My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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