And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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