Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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