He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
