I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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