im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize