I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
