i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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