i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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