He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
