I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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