Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize