Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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