My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
