That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
