I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
