put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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