Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
