i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
