This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
