so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
