erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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