I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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