i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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